Cheating: Pertaining To Your Relationship

If you’re scared to be cheated on, I’ve got some really bad news for you. ITS PROBABLY GOING TO HAPPEN REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM IT. Come on, its 2017, folks been cheating since the Garden of Eden ain't nothing about to change.

There’s not one person I know, that hasn’t been cheated on or been the one to cheat. Think about it. How many of your friends, relatives have been a victim or been the one to step out? Exactly, this is such a common act its nearly unrealistic to think that it could never happen to you or that you would never commit such an act. The truth is evident- cheating is the norm nowadays. The worst part about it is that, as common as cheating has become no one is talking about it. Its always, if they cheat let them go. Once a cheater always a cheater. No one deserves to be cheated on. 

Listen, dealing with cheating is not an easy matter whether you’re the one its happening to or the one that made the mistake. It really takes some guts to deal with this issue head on. No one knows how the conversation will go once you bring up the truth that you've made a mistake, its a real life scare. I mean sure we tweet and make Facebook posts about how you should love someone through their mistakes, but until you actually deal with it, its just cute quotes for a retweet or a like. 

And please, do not be the guy or girl who thinks that this won't ever happen to you. Listen I came to the realization that if Beyoncé, the mother of all things fabulous, had to deal with it...SO WILL I AND SO WILL YOU.

 First things first, we have to come to an agreement on something. Is cheating something that we can actually prevent from happening TO us? The answer to that is simple, NO. You cannot stop anything in life from happening to you because that would require that you have the ability to determine and dictate things outside of your control. In life we must always understand and keep in the forefront of our minds, if we cannot control it we should not fret over it. So you cannot keep someone from cheating on you, that is a choice that is made by an individual for their own reasons.  Cheating is not a rarity nowadays and people are dealing with this in their 6 month relationships, their 4 year situationships and even their 7 year marriages. So I think now its important that we talk about how to deal with it because its LIFE whether we like it or not.

Let me be the first to say that I have been on both sides of this issue, yes I admit, I have been a cheater and I have been cheated on. In fact, all of my cheating took place within the first few months of my relationships. Both situations were the result of too much alcohol, now I'm not using alcohol as a cope out to my stupid decisions but I'm saying the liquor was a provision for me to commit those acts. Of the two times I've cheated, one took place in my childish immature freshmen year of college, I think me and my boyfriend at the time had only been together for 3 weeks or so (issa shame I know, I was dumb) and the other situation took place with an ex, that I knew I shouldn't have been hanging with because he was still all in love with me even though I was in the process of moving on, so I should've KNOWN BETTER. But, mistakes happen, bad decisions are made and we must figure out how to deal with them.

Now on the flip side of this matter, I have definitely been affected by the bad decisions of the person I was dating. Unfortunately, I was never confronted by either guy I was dating that they had made a mistake, but I had my own uncertainties about things and went snooping to find out what I needed to know. Which involved breaking into cell phones, stalking twitter accounts and signing into an exes Instagram. Listen, when I become a detective....nothing gets past me!

Anyway, so as I mentioned before I know both sides of this whole cheating fiasco, so I understand that people cheat for all different reasons. Sometimes it happens just because...fear of commitment...insecurity in the current relationship. Whatever the reason may be, its happening and we've got to talk about how to deal with this stuff because there are too many people moping around over something that happens to so many of us. We cannot allow for mistakes in our lives to continue to hold us, we have to learn to admit our shortcomings and then motivate ourselves to keep it moving and to stay positive because life is too precious. 

Now, I'm not sure why so many of us hate talking about cheating. I know for me I use to hate discussing it because it use to make me feel inadequate. To think that I wasn't good enough for someone to only want me or to think that I didn't deserve love because of a mistake I made. I feel a lot of us avoid talking about this because of insecurities within ourselves that this topic brings to light, but avoiding it doesn't help anyone at all. So hopefully through this short blog, I can provide some insight that will help you deal with this issue, regardless of what side of this issue you may be on.

HUMANS ARE COMPLICATED

In reality, humans are difficult, they have lapse in judgement, they make mistakes, they disappoint and most importantly humans are learning. I whole heartedly believe that most people do not get into relationships with the intents to screw things up. So for all you, "If you gone waste my time in 2018, please stay away from me" headass people understand that life doesn't actually work that way. People are always doing things that they have often told themselves they would never do. Understand that life is not simple, feelings are not simple, emotions are never simple. The things we always thought we knew, we relearn them again and again. Listen, it would be nice to be in a world where everyone knew exactly who they were, what they wanted and didn't have a complicated bone in their body. But that is not reality. 

Tell me its not.

How many times have we heard about the woman who does everything for their man sexually (threesomes and all) and still get cheated on? If I'm not mistaken, Toya Wright (Wayne's babymama) had a boyfriend who she LET sleep with another women once a month, and their relationship still didn't work, why? Because HUMANS ARE COMPLICATED. 

I know of individuals who have cheated on their significant other, with no intents of leaving their relationship because they were just curious if they could still manage to do it. Stupid, yes but...HUMANS ARE COMPLICATED.

The reasons people cheat are going to vary from person to person, from situation to situation so that also means that there isn't one way to "fix it." The only person who can do that is the individual who is making that choice.

So now that we understand that you CANNOT stop someone from cheating. Its time we discuss what to do if you are cheated on, there are just a few things that I want to mention that I think will help you cope with the issue.

1. DO NOT MAKE THIS A SOCIAL MEDIA FIASCO

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen couples blast each other on the internet over things going on between their personal relationship. You both look foolish. I know many of us don't have real friends so we run to the internet to release our frustration, but doing so is going to ruin things for your relationship, if you have intents on trying to work things out. You don't need everyone and their opinions while you're going through something like this, you need just yourself and the person who you are in an exclusive relationship with. 

People tweeting and messaging their two cents on a situation they aren't apart of is only going to cloud your judgement. KEEP IT OFF SOCIAL MEDIA.

2. A SORRY, DOESN'T FIX IT

It is absolutely necessary for someone to apologize to you when they have hurt you, however understand that a sorry is simply another person acknowledging that they messed up. That should not be all that is necessary from them to get past this issue. You need more than a sorry, you need to have a real one on one and figure out why, come to understand their reasoning for their actions...that is the only way you and that person will be able to grow from the situation. Don't settle for a simple excuse, get to the heart of the issue. Don't be afraid of what their answers might be, understand that honest conversations are never easy.

3. BACKUPS ARE PETTY

Listen, you can play the whole "she cheated so imma cheat too" game if you wont, there is NO WINNER in that game, and you both end up mad and hurt over childish antics. Sure in the moment, having sex with someone else might make you feel better, for a brief 6 seconds. But as soon as that's over, you're back in your feelings, so all that was for what?

Plus, now you're involving a whole other person in your bullsh*t which isn't fair to them, especially if they don't understand that they're just a backup. Getting revenge on a boyfriend/girlfriend by sleeping with someone else is just going to result in a SH*TTY RELATIONSHIP WHERE NEITHER OF YOU CAN TRUST THE OTHER.

I could go on and on, but I won't at least not in this blog, I'll save it for another.

Understand one last thing, a guy or girl cheating on you is not a reflection of who you are. As I said in the beginning you cannot control the actions of another person, even God himself decided to give us free-will to do as we please. People were created to do as they please. Make the decision to push past the hurt that was brought by someone else's actions, because it is possible.

As Kanye said, "N-now th-that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger."

KNOW THAT AND BELIEVE IT.